My regular readers will know that I typically find new years resolutions somewhat laughable: only a tiny percent of those made ever get kept, most people’s resolutions are undoable masses of goo, and they typically state the end goal before figuring out any process to get there. So what resolutions are you planning to make?
Normally, I wouldn’t even bring that question up. I’d assume that, if you are going to make some resolutions you already know what you want to resolve. You have some habits you’d like to change or replace, some goals you want to accomplish, and some dreams you want to get closer to achieving. But not this year. This year feels different. So much of what you might want and dream and desire just seems… no longer available?
If you are ending this year feeling like all your hopes and dreams have been crushed under the steel-toed boot of 2020’s relentless march, you are not alone! I get it! If I had just a penny for every plan around the world that’s been put on hold or killed outright since March… well, I’d be rich enough to buy myself a congressperson for Christmas (I’m not sure what the hell I’d do with one though, so I probably wouldn’t).
However I’d like to suggest that if this is the boat you find yourself in, that you actually take some time this month to really dig deep and think about resolutions you can make for the coming year. Why am I changing my quasi-sarcastic and eye-rolling stance on resolutions now? Three reasons:
- Because having dreams and desires and goals is a core part of being human and is good for our physical, emotional, mental, and spiritual health. If you feel like your ability to LONG FOR and STRIVE FOR has been beaten out of you this year, you need to dig deep into your personal wellspring to rediscover this capacity. Otherwise you risk depression and despair. And if you are already at depression and despair, then your imperative is even greater. Without the ability to have internally derived motivation and inwardly directed dreams and desires, we are at the mercy of whatever winds are blowing from whatever source. So put up your sails and grab your rudder and chart your own course toward what you want (and West, this seafaring metaphor is for you!).
- Because being agile is going to be a critical survival skill in coming years so you may as well get practicing (and I don’t say that lightly and not as a metaphor — Critical. Survival. Skill). Sure, some of your dreams may actually be unachievable right now (I was supposed to be visiting the Villa of the Mysteries and touring the Vatican Museum back in March and in my favorite city — Tokyo — this summer). But you have to be able to change course and recommit to something else. And I mean truly recommit. My plans for this coming year aren’t as fancy sounding, but my longing for them is the same.
- Because joy is subversive and one of the things that gives us humans joy is deciding to do something and then doing it. Not to mention that your desires can be for more things that bring you joy. So you get a double win! You get joy when you accomplishing something you set out to do and you get joy when that thing is what gives you joy. And I mean REAL joy, not “I deserve a Mercedes this year” joy. If you are a little lost as to what actually brings you joy then keep reading because I have suggestions for that below. Trust me, there are many, many forces out there that would like nothing better for us to be joyless shells who do what media and advertising tell us to do and be and buy. They are counting on it and willing to do and break and control anything to get their way. And that’s not “conspiracy.” It’s fact. It’s the central fact on which capitalism runs! If we weren’t endlessly unhappy and unsatisfied, why would we buy all the shiny things on offer?
So here I am, embracing resolutions like never before (hey, agile!). But what kinds of resolutions? Well, of course only you can know your deepest heart and desires. Only you can really understand what brings you joy. Still, I have a few suggestions on areas to focus on, based on the kind of year that’s it’s been and the kind of year it’s likely to be…
Health — OK, this one is obvious, but anything you can do to get healthier this coming year is going to be a very good thing. Now clearly what this means for you is individual: becoming a non-smoker or eliminating sugar from your diet, building up to running a marathon distance or bench pressing double your body weight, or adding one more spoon to you daily allotment (this is me right now). And don’t just consider physical health. It might be seeking out therapy or starting regular meditation or initiating a prayer practice. Or it could be avoiding things that make you enraged (Facebook!) or spin you up or just rebuilding your fractured attention span. Maybe it’s about spending a little time every day outside or bringing green growing things into your home. Anything that makes you stronger and more robust and more present and centered in your life. And remember that fear is terrible for your immune system, so do things that make you less fearful — make it a priority.
Sovereignty — anything that enhances your ability to care for yourself and others. I’ve talked before about the importance of this and I’m going to start by pointing you to a couple of links that detail how to be more sovereign in a general way: Empowering, The Mandate of Heaven, Surviving the Apocalypse. Again, this depends on your needs and situation. Being more sovereign could be growing more of your own food or ridding yourself of toxic entanglements or paying off debt. It might be claiming sovereignty magically or mentally or emotionally. Depending on your situation, it could involve small shifts in mental perspective or changing your entire life. Anything you CAN do, you SHOULD do. And if everything else seems impossible, then reclaim you mind and evict those living rent free that don’t serve you.
Connection — if you are lost and sad and lonely, well you aren’t alone (alone in feeling lonely, get it?). In fact, most of us have been more isolated and distanced (duh!) than ever before this year, and that’s on top of the pervasive sense of separateness that the modern world had already given us. So anything you can do to increase connection this year is going to be very, very good for you. Now, you may need to get creative, but the more you can connect with people and the more real you can make those connections (phone versus email for example) the better. I want to reiterate that you be creative here because I’ve seen some pretty amazing solutions to this problem. I know a family with young kids who have joined forces with two other families to combine into one bubble, including joint child care and even renting vacation houses together. I’ve heard of neighbors who’ve started their own little communes, including joint Zoom school for their kids, all quarantining together. And when families are the only people you can see, families are expanding including creating the kind of multi-generational housing that were the norm in human civilization until just recently.
Joy Discovery — if the end of this long, long year has left you feeling worn down and bereft and just so damned tired, you may be feeling like being joyful isn’t even allowed, let alone appropriate (have they cancelled Christmas yet?). And even if you want to be joyful, you may be hard pressed to figure out what it is that can even make you happy at this point, or at least what will make you happy that you can actually do. In that case you need to resolve to find out what really makes you happy and find a way of getting more of it. Yes, I love travel, but I also love cooking and baking together with my little family in my own house. One thing I can do and one I can’t… so I will resolve to do as much of the thing I can do. Also, be careful letting others define what you can actually do. Remember, we sold a house and bought a new one and moved, all during the strictest part of lockdown in our liberal (and therefore “taking this very seriously”) state… and we did it without even breaking any rules. Coupled with figuring out what brings me joy and doing more of that, I will discover the things that are anti-joy and avoid doing those things.
I’m guessing for lots of us, there’s going to be major overlap between joy, health, connection, and sovereignty (and also between despair, sickness, isolation, and subservience). So as you think about resolutions, look for those keystone habits and thorn changes that you get multiple wins from. I’d like to point you to this short course on make resolutions correctly (and by correctly I mean giving you some chance of actually accomplishing them). There are examples there that actually tie into the four areas above (though it was written pre-Covid, so keep that in mind) and it’s flexible enough to be used on any kind of resolution.
I think after the year we’ve had, we need to be kind and gentle with ourselves. We need to nurture and connect. We must prioritize health and love. We need to empower and take joy (instead of waiting for joy to come to us). But in order to do those things, we must be RESOLUTE. So let’s all make some resolutions this year… and let’s make them good ones.
