I have been having a challenging time. Mainly because of an attack of chronic migraine that started when I was in the desert for my mom’s surgery (bad water + bad food + bad sleep + stress is like a migraine recipe). Attack of chronic migraine here does not mean “had a bad migraine” it means waking up with one nearly every morning, medication working half as long and requiring double-dosing (instilling worries about having a stroke because vasoconstrictor, you know?), and none of the usual mitigation working — for three straight weeks.
I completely depleted my stock pile of medication old and new — which are similar and seem to work about the same but should under no circumstances be taken together… yeah, about that — while also dealing with: workplace critical strategy meetings, off-site all day trainings, and trying to keep up with… well, all the things I’ve had such a hard time keeping up with.
The attack finally ended Monday evening and I’m fine (well, this hasn’t helped what I think of, and which probably is, my migraine-ptsd, but otherwise fine).
And now I’m having really weird dreams and maudlin nostalgia and deep thoughts coming at me from my deep places. Let’s be clear here, migraine is a medical problem, it runs in my family (thanks mom!) and it’s triggered primarily by hormonal changes. But that’s not all it is. No, like most body manifestations, migraines can also link to emotional and mental and, yes, magical stuff. Not to get all Caroline Myss about it. I don’t want to slip into even accidental victim blaming here. And yet…
What I guess I’m saying is that there are alignments in the universe and those alignments can impact us in multiple ways. So I go home for a stressful visit. The travel and my diet leaves me feeling, er, bloated might be the most polite way of describing it. I’m suffering from massive headaches. But also, my parents changing life phase is dredging up personal growth questions and childhood emotions. And of course Mercury is diving deep into uncomfortable Pisces right in my house of creative generation. I needed to get some stuff OUT of my system (literally and figuratively) and calm my mind. And now I’m riffling through that detritus (digging in the dirt) about issues of lineage and family and so on. The fact that I’m also in an ancestor course is just one more layer in this mud cake I’ve been making.
We think of magical work as the stuff we do at our altars or crossroads or sacred places. It’s the hymns and sigils and spells and intentions. But sometimes the magic is happening deep inside… and it’s not necessarily a good feeling. It can feel a lot like constipation or blinding headache.
Happy Mercury Retrograde everyone. Try to keep your head above water.
