It’s been two years since I traveled for anything but stressful family stuff and I’d forgotten how perspective shifting travel can be…
It’s morning and I’m at the Forum (nothing funny happened on the way there). The whole archeological park is huge, including Palatine Hill, a restored vineyard, a (closed) museum, the forum complex, the temple area, etc. I didn’t opt for a tour, which means I was left to my own devices, wandering for hours among the ruins. Since I got there right at opening time, it started out being pretty quiet. It got more and more hot and crowded as the morning went on.
In Rome you can’t go like a block without tripping over some amazing cathedral bosting 12th century paintings or a restored fountain or a multi-thousand year ruin or an ancient temple complex. Seriously, I’ve never been someplace with so many layers of time all stacked on one another. And at the forum, it just kind of got to me.
I found myself just feeling overwhelmed by the weight of human time. Different from the way time manifests through natural objects (ancient trees, canyons, the sea). Our lives are incredibly short compared to a mountain range, and yet we go on down through history creating governments and monuments and worshipping gods. We continue through our descendants. There are lots of places like that in the world. There are places here in the US where people live and where people have lived for thousands of years. All that history, good and bad. In Rome, it’s just particularly visible because it’s made from stone and much of it is still standing – or lying – around for tourists to visit.
We build things that outlast us. They don’t have to be made of stone to be as durable. I’ve been thinking a lot about that recently, about what I’ve been left by those who’ve gone before and what I’m leaving for those who come after.
First, I’m building a family. Not a large one. Not a perfect one. But one that loves and watches out for each other. Our little rhizome. For my husband and I, this is a deliberate act of will – not something that came naturally down the line to us. But I do have good things from my ancestors too. Their weight that’s on my shoulders as a part of my family.
Second, I’m building a community… or at least trying. Kindness to our neighbors. Connecting with other weirdos. Keeping up friendships. Again, this sometimes feels harder than it should be, though I think that’s the pressure of modern society. I’m lucky to have some great people in my corner and I hope they know that I’m in theirs. When things are heavy, we can help one another bear the weight.
Third…. Well, I don’t have any expectations that I’ll build some kind of lasting legacy. But I do hope to have some things go further into the world. Like the Cancer Grimoire and the Agile Magic Manifesto and the Risky Business Booklet. Those are things that I truly feel can be useful to people and help them get through tough times (that’s why they’re free). I want those things to last beyond me if possible.
No matter who you are, you are building all the time… you are building a life. And whether you have kids or not, your life has an impact beyond you. The weight of your time here in this incarnation that adds to the weight of time that we are all going through.
