It was the worst of possible timings that had me in our nation’s capital during the very two days of the Dr. Ford / Kavanaugh testimony. Literally every TV (except the one in my hotel room, which stayed resolutely off) was tuned to C-SPAN constantly. You don’t realize how many TVs there are out there in your landscape until the sight of one is nausea inducing. Not to mention the energy was just… DC is an intense place to be at the best of times and this is certainly not that.
I experienced a constant state of low-grade stress, not only from my visceral reaction to the news, but from the general upset and stress of the people around me — which I needed to firmly suppress in order to get my job done. And I fucking did it and it took all my skills of compartmentalization. But it wasn’t fun and it wasn’t healthy. On the flight home, I fell into a fitful sleep and when I woke up things started to feel less dire and overwhelming. I have never been so happy to be home.
This weekend I’ve done three things to re-balance and restore myself. These are the things you do when you’re just completely done:
Silence: first of all, I kept it quiet around here. There’s only so much stimulus the human mind can take. Not that it’s literally silent. We listened to music, watched a cute puppy video, and this morning over coffee we enjoyed a vigorously engaging episode of How It’s Made. I’m trying to stay away from the social media (and only partially succeeding) and the news (and completely succeeding).
Presence: boy, escapism seems like a really good idea right now, but I’m avoiding the temptation to just binge watch Great British Baking Show or dig into some fiction. And that’s because I’m back in the office Monday and I don’t want it to all hit me there. I need to stay present and with my thoughts and feelings so that I can start to get a grip on them while I have some quiet time. That’s what this blog post is for by the way.
Nourishment: an ongoing theme here at CT, I’m doing things that nourish me as much as possible. This includes my usual visit to the farmers market and catching up on the sleep I missed out on during my trip. The fire cider is finally ready and I strained and sweetened today. Also hot tea, warm socks, gentle walks. Nothing too fancy here (since “self care” as a concept can easily slip into an elitist, consumerist, Goop-ish, pile of expensive nonsense) but just what I need to enjoy the start of autumn.
Sometimes things are too much and you’re just done with it. But remember there are still things you can do.
