Those of you who get my newsletter (it’s free, go sign up) were aware that I’ve been dealing with some extended family “stuff” including medical and care taking (everything is OK by the way). We will be back to our regular schedule this week.
Long-time readers know that I take a yearly trip to the desert Southwest to visit my family. And every year there is some useful lesson that I take away from the experience because taking useful lessons from experience seems to be how my brain operates. This year was no exception.
Because I’m hip deep in habit formation research for my next project, it’s probably natural that my takeaway would be about that as well. What I noticed is that when things get hard or crazy, your habits are what get you through it. And not your superficial “I just started Pilates two weeks ago” habits. I’m talking about the deeply embedded stuff. Stuff like:
- Saturnian self-care (diet, sleep, exercise, discipline). When things get crazy, do you continue to take care of yourself? I’m not talking mani-pedis and Watsu spa weekends here. I’m talking about the “your body is a temple” work that keeps you going in tough times. The habits of sleep and nutrition you make now can be invaluable later when less embedded habits get stripped away by illness or change or chaos in general. This is something I struggle with (I’m pretty cerebral) but that I also saw in action this week.
- Cognitive clarity (as opposed to cognitive distortions). This is straight up Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) stuff. The way you think has huge impacts on how you deal with life and from a magical perspective what your life then becomes. Please note that I’m not a therapist (though I spent some quality time with my sister this past week and she is one) but CBT has some really useful stuff that can benefit anyone and particularly working magicians. Even reading about it has been shown to improve life outcomes for all kinds of people.
- Communication skills. Under pressure, can you listen and share in a way that helps the situation? Can you be clear? Can you be patient and polite as necessary, but also firm about what matters? Do you lose your reading comprehension skills when you’re stressed? Can you express your needs in a transparent way? This is huge, as stress can render us either completely mute or raving lunatics.
These are all things that you can form into habits. A bedrock commitment to keeping the veggie intake up. A worldview that helps you stay positive no matter what. An ingrained routine of slowing down and speaking/reading more carefully when you know you are stressed. If you start making these habits now, then in the future (when you are dealing with a stressful situation or having a medical event or even losing memory with age) those habits will keep serving you.
The best habits of all are probably those magical and spiritual habits. Talking with the spirits and ancestors. Keeping yourself and your house protected and cleansed. Seeking out the enchanted nature of the world.
If there’s an argument for focusing on habits, it is this: they are a savings account that you can draw on in troubled times or future years. They can help you now and many decades from now when other things (youth, health, energy) get stripped away. They can get you through.
