I’m sitting in the Denver airport, looking out at a snowy wonderland (OK, I’m mostly look at the body of my flight to Germany, but behind it — winter wonderland all the way. DIA was my home airport for several years and I know it has some of the best snow removal tech in the country. A little snow won’t stop me!
I am coming off a couple of pretty seriously bad weeks, personally speaking. Just feeling down and having some stress in the household. I was not looking forward to traveling and feeling kind of woeful in general.
Now I feel fine and am doing much better.
If you ever experience this, it’s useful to look closely at the reasons for the change. Because what you can discover are the dials on your happiness.
For example, the reason I was down was because the kiddo, who is just turning 17, was really stressed and worried about something related to school. He’s on the cusp of graduating and is putting plenty of pressure on himself to get done. Like his mom, he feels things pretty… intensely, so his stress and worry has been impacting me as well.
And while I was walking to my gate he texted some good news that was obviously a huge relief to him. Then I was offered the opportunity to upgrade (yay!) and suddenly, I don’t feel so bad.
This situation gives me powerful insight into what things in my life directly impact my happiness — namely, my kid.
Now, those of you who have a kid or kids of your own know that this is pretty normal. And it’s tough, because sometimes your kid is going to be sad, they’re going to suffer, they’re going to fall down and skin their metaphorical teen-aged knees. And you’re going to feel it. But they still have to deal with it. You can be sad for them, worried along with them, sympathetic to them, offering them any help they need… but they still have to live their own lives… because soon they will be adults.
Still, he was worried and down and I was worried and down along with him. Shoot, when I was his age I was about 200% more emo than he is (though he worries about 85% more than I did). So no wonder I was being impacted.
Having your kid be a dial to your happiness is, well, pretty normal. It seems to slowly dissipate over time as they become adults (with babies, it’s crazy how emotionally linked you can be) and I may be at a point where I need to be a little more conscious about reminding myself that he is almost an adult and his life isn’t mine and his choices and, yes, worries are his own. That said, I’m not about to cut him off emotionally because he’s my little Egg and one of my favorite people.
But what if the thing that threw you off is a your terrible ex, or a cranky boss, or a chance comment on the street that made you feel terrible? What if it’s not about you at all? What if it’s the news? Or the news? Or more likely the fucking news?
Well, in that case you might have to be a bit more ruthless. Because the more dials you have to your happiness — and the more those dials are out of your control — the more your emotional state is at the whims of stupid idiots in DC who don’t even know who you are. And no one can survive that. Sometimes the right thing to do is just disengage, not from doing what you can to make things better, but from allowing those bad things to put their hands on the dials of your happiness.
I’m finishing this post in the hotel. It’s 3 in the morning and I can’t sleep (stupid jet lag). But I have soup coming from room service and Chamomile tea and my kid is back home practicing bass and my husband spend the day in his forge… and in that regard, all is right with the world and the dials of my happiness are cranked to 11.
