Remember this post, where I described a crazy TV show called Canada’s Worse Driver which led me to my new maxim — Look Where You Want To Go?
There’s actually more that’s interesting about this show. There’s a certain formula for how the contestants are picked. Having watched like 13 seasons of it now, I see the same types of bad drivers appear over and over. I’m sure this is, at least in part, because the producers get good ratings with certain types of people. But I also see many of our own failings reflected in the characters these folks tend to represent. And while most people are tolerable (or at least not terrible drivers) these same issues can cause trouble driving your own life — career, family, success, and ability to meet goals.
Now, to be clear, we are all individuals. And the folks who are brave enough to go on the show (and they are brave, putting their failings as drivers out there for the world to see with no reward except to overcome them) are also not stereotypes. That said, we all tend to struggle with the same challenges, which is why tools like the Tarot work so well at helping us. And so while it’s amusing to laugh at people running into things (and it’s amusing, oh yes it is), it’s also useful to look at how we might sometimes be more like these terrible drivers than we’d like to admit.
Here are the types of drivers that return every season… do any of them seem uncomfortably familiar?
The Frivolous — These drivers don’t seem to care whether they drive well or not. They are forgetful and don’t focus on what they are doing. They tend to the silly and self-absorbed and usually don’t bear the financial consequences of their actions (their spouses or parents pay their insurance and fines and buy them new cars). These drivers are usually female, but not always. They are most likely to drive while intoxicated and laugh about their accidents and tickets. And of course they drive terribly.
I see a lot of this kind of “driver” when it comes to finances — not surprisingly since our world seems to encourage this behavior non stop. And this isn’t confined to one gender. We all love our toys and want new, shiny ones frequently. We don’t want to wait and we don’t think about the consequences. Even if we don’t have someone else paying the bills, we use credit to avoid dealing with immediate consequences, while still enjoying immediate rewards. One driver on the show who really typified this behavior loved taking selfies in the car — and who doesn’t want to Instagram their shiny new purchase?
But there are all kinds of ways we can be frivolous — with our jobs, our habits, or our extended families. Forcing these drivers to focus and take things more seriously is often a matter of making them care and take responsibility, but there’s also a mental component, where you just need to pay attention. And you know what’s funny? In going through the show, many of these people learn that they can be serious and that they can be taken seriously — which is a real powerful benefit that goes far beyond just driving.
The Distracted — Too busy, too “important,” too overwhelmed. It’s not that they don’t focus, but that they try to focus too widely. And not because they are being silly… but because they are doing all the things! Who said “multitasking is doing many things badly” (it might have been me, but if I wasn’t the first I gladly cede credit). Using their phones on the freeway, personal grooming while commuting, and eating in the car as if there was a famine on. These folks want to do everything, all at once. But by doing that, they do things — including driving — badly.
How many of us suffer from Fear of Missing Out (FOMA — it must be a lot if it has its own acronym)? And how often do we spread ourselves too thin? I know I do this myself and in no way does it end up being helpful. Because you just can’t do everything! You have to decide. When you’re driving the decision is easy — nothing is more important than not crashing into someone or something. But in your own life, things are nuanced. The cult of busyness says that EVERYTHING is important… but it’s not. This calls for major prioritization and the willingness to let go of things just aren’t important or fulfilling.
These drivers tend to think they can handle things… right up to the point that they have a crash. Being more realistic about how much you can handle can avoid the same result in non-traffic-relates ways.
The Aggressive — Every season, there’s this one dude — and yes, it’s always a guy — who’s just, well, kind of a jerk. Ironically, they usually have good skills and concentration. But they are impatient and cranky and prone to road-raging. And they inevitably think that they are excellent drivers, despite a terrible driving record. If they drive drunk it’s because they think they can handle it. Egotistical and cocky, the problems they have are due to other people, who aren’t as fast or as skilled on the road.
Because they are skilled, there’s little tactical knowledge that the instructors can teach them. No, where they are weak are the soft skills: kindness, consideration, and a sense of the impact of their actions. They have to learn that they can hurt people and that their behavior matters more than their skills. Driving seems like something you do alone, doesn’t it? But we all share the road with one another and we have to interact whether we like it or not… just like life.
I’m about the most proactive, boot-strapping, captain of my own ship kind of person there is… but people are what really matter and I forget that at my peril. Because we are all in this together.
The Fearful — Some people are just scared of driving. And some of the contestants on the show have reason to be. There are people who were involved in serious accidents and have outright PTSD about getting behind the wheel. Others haven’t had such a harrowing experience, but that doesn’t make their fear any less real to them. These are the folks who panic, who are crying every time they drive, who can’t handle the stress. And let’s be honest, driving can be dangerous. Yet, many people do it every day and manage it just fine. There’s a reason that they have a psychologist on the show as a judge. This is the person who helps with both the skills to mitigate the fear (breathing, mindfulness, etc.) as well as the deep background analysis to deal with it. And it’s always amazing and gratifying to see these folks overcome what terrifies them.
What are you afraid of? Probably not driving. But there’s something, right? And avoiding that something might be no big deal (afraid of blimps? you should be just fine), but it might really be impacting you. When we let our fear hold us back and keep us from doing what we want and living our best life, then we are letting the fear take the wheel. Overcoming fear isn’t easy — and I promise I know this from personal experience — but it’s worth the effort. Like the contestants on the show you may need help. But in the end you have to get behind the wheel and drive your own life.
The Challenged — Sometimes driving is just hard for people. The amount of time it takes to learn the skills varies for different people. You probably didn’t think learning to drive was all that difficult, but it is for some people. Sometimes the challenges are physical — there have been several contestants who they sent off to the optometrist because they just couldn’t see well. Sometimes it’s integrative. People understand the skills in their head but have a hard time translating it to their bodies in the car. Sometimes it’s mental. One of the bravest and most inspiring contestants on the show was a young man who was hit by a car as a teen. Not only did he have a strong fear of driving, his accident had caused him learning difficulties as well. Through an unimaginable amount of work and sheer grit, he overcame both his fear and learned to be a safe driver. Makes my own challenges look small in comparison.
I really do admire people who have to work hard to learn a skill and who are willing to admit that it’s hard for them. This is not easy to do in our world of “natural talent.” There’s probably something in your life that doesn’t come easy (and may not even come at all). But if you want to acquire a new skill, there’s no other choice. You have to keep trying.
There’s some area where each of us is a “worst drivers.” And the show gives us hints for dealing with that:
- Have support — each driver comes with a friend or family member who nominated them and is there to support them
- Get help — there are driving instructors and psychologists on the show with a vested interest in helping the drivers improve
- Keep working — the people who keep trying tend to get better, even if they’ll never be world’s best
- Don’t panic — shit can be scary and life moves fast, but there are very few times when staying calm won’t help and panicking won’t hurt
